Don't Go Wastin' Your Emotions

Dearest Bloggity Blog,
I know it's been a while since we last spoke, but I want to start off by saying that it has NOTHING to do with you. You're amazing. And even though I haven't been writing, you're always on my mind. So many things have happened in these last two and a half monthes that I've wanted to share with you. I've had countless moments of "Woah, my life just changed before my eyes...I should BLOG about this!" But I've just been so busy...I know I use that excuse a lot, but trust me, I didn't know what "busy" was before this semester. For real.

Anyways, I could talk about a lot of things here, but instead of doing a mental purge, I think I'd like to talk about what's been on my mind today: Balance. I have SOOOO much going on. I'm in three vocal groups this year (and I have leadership positions in two of the three), I'm Sisterhood Chair in Sigma Alpha Iota (which I LOVE, but it's also a lot of responsibility), I'm an RA (which requires a lot more than people think), I just got another job working at the coffee shop at school (just five hours a week, but that's enough for me right now), and my junior voice recital is THIS SATURDAY...that's right, two days. I can't believe it. I feel prepared enough to do a good job, I think? I mean, I know I could have spent more time on some things if I had more time to spend, but I'm hoping that, regardless, the final product will be something that I can enjoy and be proud of.

In addition to all of this, I've been experiencing a lot of inner struggle lately. I've been questioning what I want to do with my life (both career-wise and otherwise), what my personal morals and ethics are (regarding certain situations), and sometimes even my faith. My mind has been racing with all of these new ideas, but in the meantime I've been trying to tell it to SHUT UP so I can focus on getting all of the work done that I need to. Too many times I've had to brush off my own feelings in order to get stuff done on time for other people.

Today I had an amazing lesson with Betsy Peterson, whom I've been very fortunate to have studied with this semester. She's been a great acting coach for my musical theater portion of my recital, and I'm sad that she'll be moving away in a couple of weeks. Anyways, the lesson didn't start out very amazing...we dove right into re-staging one of my musical theater pieces, upon my request; however, since it's two days before my recital, I soon became VERY overwhelmed with all of the things I need to remember for all 14 of my pieces. I tried to hide my anxiety...but I didn't do a very good job of this because, as usual, as soon as she looked at me and asked "Are you okay?" I fell apart. But I'm so glad I did, because after I explained to her that I was overwhelmed and anxious and nervous and so many other emotions, we had a really good talk. Afterwards, she asked how she could help me...so I asked her what she usually does when she's nervous before a big performance...

I wound up doing yoga for the rest of our time. I used to do yoga every week, but it's been a while. I forgot how much I love yoga, because it helps me so much in ways I can't really begin to describe. People who've never done yoga (or have never done yoga with a proper instructor) just don't get it...seriously, if you've never done it, do it. It's special time that you can take for YOU, to listen to your heart and heal yourself emotionally and spiritually. It's something I'd really like to get back into, some way or another, on a regular basis.

Which brings me to my conclusion (yeah I know, I never tell straightforward stories, if you know me you know that....so props to you if you're still reading this): taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually will always, ALWAYS be more important than getting stuff done to please other people. Now, there are times when getting that stuff done will actually help you mentally/emotionally, so it's good to recognize that too. For example, there's something that I've been meaning to get done for the RA Wellness Committee (yeah, bet you didn't know THAT existed, huh?) for a good week now, that I really just need to get done for my own well being, as well as the well beings of others.

I hope this helped someone, somehow. If not, I apologize, and thanks for reading anyways...but hey, it's my freakin blog, and it helped me to write it, so there. OH and if you're reading this, and Saturday, October 23rd at 7:30 hasn't happened yet, I would really appreciate it if you'd consider heading over to Buik Recital Hall for my junior voice recital. There'll be yummy baked goods and free hugs afterwards, if that helps my case!